Episode 52: The Confidence Challenge Day One
Welcome back to The Confidence Challenge! On today’s podcast I’m bringing you something super fun and a bit different. On my website I’ve have a free offer for a 5-day confidence challenge. If you’ve ever wanted to kickstart your confidence this challenge is for sure the way to go. I don’t believe in gimmicks or empty promises so in creating this I offer you real, substantial tools that are the building blocks and foundation for genuine confidence and today…that’s what I’m bringing to you!
This podcast goes right along with the free challenge which is in PDF form so if you want that make sure you head over to the website, The Catalyst coaching.com don’t for the ING and click the tab that says Confidence Challenge and you’ll be all set.
Okay, confidence! I believe now more than ever it is imperative that we bolster, develop, and cultivate self-confidence. When we feel confident we make more confident decisions, we show up better, we act better, we, of Course, feel better but most importantly you show up as your best self.
Thomas S. Monson said that our “task in life is to become our best selves”. I know that now especially the world needs you, your family needs you, you need you to be operating from this space so that you can help shape the world, be a light to others, and be able to lead and lift from where you stand.
I am passionate about this. My world changed when I learned how to cultivate confidence. My relationships changed, the way I showed up as a mother, friend, individual changed and most of all the way I experienced the world changed when I learned to cultivate confidence.
I had always thought confidence was something that some people naturally had. Either you had it or you didn’t and you just saw some people that seemed to radiate confidence and I’d feel envious because I didn’t know how to have that. Sure, there were some things I was confident IN – which is different than self-confidence. We can be confident In certain tasks because we’ve practiced them so much.
You’re probably confident in tying your shoes, pouring a glass of water, walking across the room, and because of this we think that confidence rests in being GOOD or at expert level in things. Which is a facet of why so many of us lack confidence. We think we have to be really good at something to feel confident but this isn’t true.
Confidence is a feeling. It doesn’t come from your actions. Confidence comes from what you’re thinking.
So by being well-practiced at certain tasks helps you to have thoughts that like, “I can do this” and you’d believe it because you have evidence to back it up. It’s easier to grasp and believe those thoughts but what about the things you’re not practiced in?
What then? How can you show up confident now? In a pandemic? When no one is well-practiced in this? How can you show up confident at all times no matter what the circumstance is? How can you dispel the doubts and insecurities that arise that want you to question your worth and your abilities?
It’s not up to chance. It’s not a some people have it and some don’t trait. This is a skill that you can develop, learn, and then practice daily to create and cultivate genuine confidence even going into the unknown. This is what I spend my time teaching my clients and what I’m so passionate about and today I’m going to give you the start-up kit so that you can start creating confidence in your life and be able to be a light to those around you.
Ready to dive in? If you have the challenge, the PDF challenge from the website in front of you, I’m going to walk you through it day by day so we’re starting with day one: The problem
Let me start by asking you a question. On a scale of 1 – 10 how confident are you overall?
If you were walking into a new place, a new setting, maybe giving a talk or an address to the people how confident do you feel? Scale of 1-10?
How confident are you in making new friends?
How confident are you in managing your time? Your money? Your household?
How confident are you in creating what you want for yourself?
If you’re unhappy with your weight or appearance or how your physical body feels, how confident are you that you’ll be able to make that change you want and create the results you want in your life?
For many humans there’s this underlying belief that you’re not enough.
You don’t have enough.
You are not good enough.
You are not thin enough.
You don’t earn enough
You don’t do enough
You’re not talented enough
You’re not enough.
And we believe that if we could just reach some level of enoughness THEN we could feel confident. Then we could feel better.
So naturally, based on this line of thinking that’s what we do. We chase after confidence believing that if we could just get there then we’d feel better but the problem is that when we reach that benchmark. When we reach that number on the scale, we get that number in the bank account, we get that degree, or hit that milestone then we’d be confident and we get there only to realize it’s not there.
It’s at the next milestone. And so it’s ever moving and an illusion. A mirage. There are people that have what you think you want/need to feel confident that still struggle with confidence. There are countless actors, actresses, millionaires, people with incredible accomplishments and accolades, awards, degrees, beauty, etc that are still chasing after confidence. There are people that have what you think you need to feel confident that still aren’t confident.
And I’m wanting to really emphasize this because our brain wants you to believe that confidence is a milestone you can reach. When in reality confidence isn’t attainable through your actions or accolades as you can see. There are people that have what you think you need to be confident that still struggle with confidence so clearly that’s not it.
Confidence comes from your thoughts and what you’re thinking. This then is the problem. We need to change our current mindset and beliefs in order to create genuine confidence. When you change your mindset, you change your life. You change the way you see things, the way you experience the world.
Did you ever see that movie, “I feel Pretty”? In the beginning you can see how this belief was evident. She was self-conscious, full of self-doubt, and had this insecure track in her head. Then in a fictional accident she bumps her head and now believes she looks exactly as she’s always wanted to look. She feels confident so she takes confident action. She gets her dream job. She meets her dream guy. She creates her dream life and then at the end – spoiler alert, sorry – it’s very predictable – you’d have known anyway – she realizes that she was herself the entire time. She didn’t bump her head and change her physique or anything else. The only thing that changed was her mindset and the way she saw herself.
While I know this is very fictional – the premise is still true. When you change the way you look at things, the things start to change.
It’s all in your mindset. So if confidence isn’t a milestone or thing to attain, what is it then?
Self-Confidence is KNOWING AND EMBRACING ALL THE PARTS OF
YOU AND BEING ABLE TO TRUST IN YOURSELF AND IN YOUR ABILITIES.
Self-Confidence is a FEELING.
It’s not something you have to earn. It’s not something that some people are born with and others are out of luck. It’s a feeling that YOU can learn to create and cultivate.
Today. I want you to spend time learning to understand where you’re currently at. What your belief system is, and what story you’re holding onto.
We each have a story, you’ve heard me talk about this before and I’m going to continue to because this is what is creating your perspective and what you’re experiencing.
So often we just think we know what we’re thinking because we’re the ones thinking it but how often do you stop to just observe what you’re thinking? To question what you’re thinking?
I know I didn’t for a long time, why would I question what I’m thinking? I just believed it as fact and it created a lot of the time an uncomfortable reality for me.
Dr Daniel Amen, one of America’s leading psychiatrists, clinical neuroscientist, and brain health expert once said, “Don’t believe everything you think, even in your own mind”
And this is a tough concept for a lot of us because our brain sound so convincing. It states these thoughts and beliefs as facts and so it feels real.
I remember struggling with body image all through high school and into married life. I had these terrible thoughts about how I looked which impacted how I felt, which contributed to how I showed up. It prevented me from doing things I wanted to do. I loved swimming and was on the swim team for many years but there was no way I was going to parade about in a swimsuit while I had this mindset track in my head. It was uncomfortable and incessant.
Now what’s fascinating, and I know I’m not alone in this, we hear things like this all the time but looking back at pictures and things I wasn’t any of the things my mind had me believe and I never once questioned them. I just believed them and felt terrible.
Recently my kids thought it’d be fun to rummage through old boxes, so old pictures, memories, keepsakes and one of them was my wedding dress. It was sealed so it was the first time they’d seen it besides in the pictures and my daughter tried it on – totally fun. But it was interesting to me because my daughter is tiny and it fit her beautifully. I remember when I wore that being self-conscious thinking I wasn’t thin enough. And looking at this, seeing it in reality and not just in pictures was so eye-opening and I just had to shake my head in disbelief at how much I let those thoughts, that belief impact me and my life.
And it’s this way with so many things. You need to pay attention to the thoughts and beliefs you’re operating from. In our mind it sounds so real. And there’s the accompanying belief that if we just had that then we’d feel better, we’d be more confident but this isn’t true.
And think about that for a moment. Think about how powerful that truth really is. Your thoughts create how you feel and this is hugely important because the reason we want anything in our lives is because of the feeling we think it’ll bring. The only reason I wanted to look a certain way for much of my life was because if I did then I thought I could be happier, I could feel beautiful, I could feel confident.
And it’s amazing to think about because those feelings never come from things or a number on a scale or a pants size. They come from what I’m allowing myself to believe and I think back and really what I wanted and needed was just permission to be nice to myself, to accept my body, my uniqueness, me.
So do you see the problem here? The problem that we think confidence is out there and something to earn, to chase, to hustle for when really all we need is here with us already. You are the catalyst. It you, your thoughts, your beliefs that can give you what you want and what you need. When you change just one line of your story you’ll see just how impactful that is for you, how it starts to change everything.
So this first part of the challenge is probably the hardest part of the challenge. It’s about uncovering your biases and shining light on your story.
Remember, your story, what you’re believing is creating the doubt, the fears, your insecurities. It’s not the actions of others, it’s not what’s going on around you, it’s not the pandemic. All that is a circumstance – totally neutral until – here’s the key! YOU make it mean something. Until you have a thought about it.
Start by just paying more attention to your thoughts. What am I thinking? If this question is too hard to grasp then start with how you’re feeling. You’re feeling that way because of a thought. Feelings are a little more tangible so they’re easier to catch then from there you can start just being curious about what you’re thinking.
When did you start feeling insecure? What are some past memories? – note – don’t just go with the memory but try and think about what you were believing at that time. I remember in like the first week maybe even day one of middle school PE the teacher asked us to raise our right hand and I don’t know if I was nervous because it’s was co-ed PE or a new class or whatever it was I raised my left hand and he singled me out and made a comment. I don’t even know what the comment was but I was flushed with embarrassment and it wasn’t the comment that made me feel that way but rather that I made that comment mean that I didn’t look smart, that it was a dumb thing to do, that people were going to judge me.
This is what you’re looking for – thoughts, biases, patterns that your brain keeps recycling and offering to you. The thoughts that create that insecurity, anxiety, and doubt.
You can start writing each day for just 10-15 minutes even. If you’re not sure what to write then ask a question. What do I think about my body? My looks? My bank account? My friendships? My future? What would people say about me? What do I think they’re thinking about me? Would they say I’m confident?
And what others think or say about you isn’t really relevant because they don’t make you feel a certain way – what’s important is what you think and what you’re believing about that. So just start with awareness and paying attention to your story.
It’s important not to indulge in our story but rather take on a third party role when you’re starting to pay attention to your story. Think of yourself as a researcher or reporter and you have to find out more about your thoughts and what’s in your mind. From this stance you’re able to question and be more curious. You can ask why more, like, “Why did I feel so embarrassed? Why did I respond like that? What was I afraid of? What did I think would have happened?”
So in this light you’re just getting to know yourself more. You’re setting the foundation for the first step in the confidence model – Knowing yourself. Knowing what your story is. Knowing what biases you’ve picked up along the way. Knowing that it’s your thoughts creating the doubts and insecurities and that thoughts are malleable and changeable. Knowing that everything you need is already inside of you.
You are the catalyst.
You can do this.
This is step one in creating and cultivating confidence!
Spend some time diving in – give this gift to yourself, don’t skip it – I can’t tell you enough how important this step is! Then join me for the next podcast episode to continue your journey to confidence!
If you don’t have the PDF to go with this make sure to grab that over on the website: www.thecatalystcoaching.com so you can dive into day one with me and really start uncovering your limiting beliefs and stumbling blocks along the way.
Okay, see you next time!