Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. —Marcus Aurelius
This is a tough concept for a lot a people. We cling to our thoughts that others should or shouldn’t be doing something and the LAST thing we want to hear is that the way we’re feeling is all our own creation.
Why would I WANT to create that? Why would ANYONE want to create that???
But then I realized, I did. I was creating it.
Let me give you an example,
I have four kids so naturally some portion of the house at all times is “kid-ified”. This used to be a constant, rough, frustrating battle. DAILY, I would get upset and frazzled because after teaching them a zillion timesthey SHOULD know by now. I mean, really…every mother’s day, birthday, Christmas holiday all I’d ever ask for is a clean house and yet, all to no avail. This was a source of GREAT angst for me.
I was frustrated all the time in regards to my house. I thought what I was thinking and seeing was the truth, factual and what I was feeling was an automatic result of the messy house.
Then I learned that I was creating my reality. I was causing negativity for myself. Was the house a mess? If you ask a group of people from all over you’re more than likely going to get different definitions and standards of “clean”. This point was also clear because the kids didn’t feel it. They were completely confused when I’d ask them things like, “don’t you see this mess? Doesn’t it bother you?” They genuinely seemed shocked that I thought there was indeed a mess or even a general unpleasant smell! They’d look at me like, WHAT??? Since when can’t I keep everything I own out on display? or it smells??? I don’t smell anything!
All of this WASN’T a big deal to them. To them, this was perfectly acceptable, normal even.
So why was this a problem for me?
I didn’t realize it at that time but I was indeed creating thisreality for myself. I was causing pain because I believed that things SHOULDbe different than they were. Bryon Katie says, “You can argue with reality. You’ll lose, but only 100% of the time.”
No, I was not creating a messy house. I didn’t put their clothes on the floor or pile up dishes in the sink but I was creating the label and how I decided to view it and interpret it.
Really, what was factual was that there were things on the floor (or sink, or counters, or whatever). That’s it. It’s really not a problem, it just is. It’s neutral. It’s like a bird sitting on a branch. It’s not good nor is it bad, it just is. The clothes on the floor, the dishes in the sink, toys spread out – all of that, it’s just a circumstance and it’s not a problem UNTIL I deem it a problem. Until I added adjectives and my opinions to them – Messy, cluttered, dirty, unorganized, wrong, they shouldn’t, they should know by now, etc. and when I think these things I feel angry, frustrated, overwhelmed, annoyed, negative.
What if instead I chose to see it as: So grateful we live in an abundant time. I can be thankful that we have what we need and then some. I can choose to be thankful that I have happy kids, secure kids that live in peace, joy, and contentment. I can choose to see the whole picture as a family that LIVES in their home. I can choose to see the toys spread out as them loving their toys and grateful they’re getting played with. I can choose to see it as we’re all a work in progress. My kids are in “training” and some people need more training than others. I can offer that to my kids. I can teach and continue “training” them. I’m an awesome Mom like that.
Nothing is WRONG. Nothing is BAD….and the best part is that thinking this way fills me with gratitude, abundance, love, and peace.
Don’t misunderstand,this doesn’t mean I stop teaching my kids and accept that this is just how it is. No, I’m still going to teach them that a clean, organized life will offer them (what I believe) is a better form of happiness and joy.I’m going to show them the scripture that says, “Mine house is a house of order” – I say that a lot actually. I still request a clean house on every holiday too (sometimes I even get it).
But what I’m not going to do is live out of anger, frustration, RESENTMENT for “having” to clean up after them. Because when I live like that I’m not showing up as my best self. It doesn’t feel good and since I choose how I feel by my thinking about the circumstances, I’m going to choose what feels the most like LOVE.
Because LOVE feels the best.
Love brings out the best in me.
Love creates a divine life.
Think about it this week. Question what you’re hearing. Look at it objectively. It’s just an opinion, not a fact. Question the way you’re seeing things. Can you step back for a moment and see if you can view it differently. Find a way to create the life you want by choosing to see and hear the things around you through the lenses of love.
What does love look like here?
What does love sound like here?
What does love do here?
You can totally do this. It’s a life changer. Change your mindset, your lens and you change what you see, experience, and what you create.