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It’s Not About You

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Any Dr. Strange fans out there??? This one’s for you! Not really, it’s for everyone – even if you haven’t seen the movie yet! When it first came out my husband said he wanted to go see if for our date night. I wasn’t overly too thrilled because it just didn’t sound appealing to me at the time but we all make sacrifices in our marriages, right? 🙂 So we decided to go but for whatever reason we had to go to the later showing and I tell ya, I’m not a night owl anymore! After we had our fourth kiddo – I want to be home and in bed by 9:00!

When we left the theater that date night, I not only didn’t fall asleep during the movie (kudos to me) but surprisingly I left with SO many thoughts and concepts that are really good! I want to hook you up and share just one of those today.

In the film The Ancient One tells Dr. Steven Strange: IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU (several times actually). Go watch it and see for yourself. Such good news. We can totally apply this in our lives. And that advice is super EPIC.

We tend to make almost EVERYTHING about us. Not on purpose, it’s what our brain does – how we perceive the world. Someone tells us what they’ve been up to – we automatically think, what have I been doing in my life? – making it about us. How often have we been in conversation with others and we immediately think something about us. How can we respond? How does this information connect to me? What doest this mean for me? Are they really meaning me? All the time, right?

Examples:

Someone shares an epic win they’ve just had – we think, why didn’t I have an epic win?

Someone doesn’t call us back or answer when we call – we think, “why don’t they want to talk to me?”

What about your BFF: “I’m so proud of myself! I just lost 10 lbs!” – I haven’t! I’ve gained 5!

Kids are notorious at making messes – We think, “Why don’t they respect me?! if they did they’d clean up!”

Your son is acting out at school and you get a call from the principle. You think, “How could he do this? This is so embarrassing” – I’ve taught him better than this! I must not be teaching him well enough – I’m failing somewhere.

Say, you give a talk at church and no one comments afterwards (or not many people) and you think, “Was I just not any good?”

All these circumstances…do you see how easy it is to make them about us? How when we do that we only see HALF the picture? And most of the time our view is a little skewed anyway?

All these thoughts about us tend to cause us a little frustration, heartache, and negativity too. Why not try a different thought for next time. Take the Ancient One’s advice: It’s Not About You.

If someone has an epic win and you didn’t – don’t think about YOU instead remember, it’s not about me – that’s so amazing that you had that win! Congrats! The feelings shift from: a little bit envy to happiness for your friend. It has nothing to do with you – it’s their win!

If someone doesn’t call us back – think, it’s not about me – I wonder if they’re really busy and can’t talk yet…yes, even if it’s been a day. Try calling back – maybe they just forgot!

BFF that lost some weight – again, not about you and your body – it’s about them! Let’s celebrate their happiness! Don’t make it mean anything about you!

Kids and their messes – Kids are kids – there’s scientific research that proves that they just can’t quite connect all the dots like adults can yet – and for GOOD reason. Kids are amazing in ways that adults aren’t! Don’t make it about you – they’re not doing in maliciously – they’re not doing it because they like to get reprimanded. Really. They’re kids. Kids make messes. Kids are still learning. It’s not about you.

The kids that got reprimanded at school. It’s not about you. It’s about him and his choices – Yes, you taught him. Does that mean he has to listen? No. He has his own agency – it’s not about you – it’s about him. Likewise, if you child gets honor roll and perfect grades – still not about you. It’s about them and what they’re choosing to do with their time. If you take responsibility for the good your kids do (I’m such a great parent because they __________)- you have to take responsibility for the negative too (I’m a bad parent because they _________) – nope…Better just let THEM be responsible for their own actions – as a parent you still teach and prepare them and because you do that you are a great parent! But ultimately they get to choose how they’ll act despite what you taught them. (more on this in a later post)

The talk you gave at church and no one commented on it? It’s not about you. People are so busy thinking about their own lives, what they’ve got coming up next, the class their teaching, etc. How many times have you heard an amazing talk and didn’t go out of your way to tell them? Or likewise, read an amazing article and didn’t leave a comment (I used to be terrible about that) – It’s not about you.

Don’t make things about you because it’s not about you.

AND…even if someone does come flat out and say something negative about you or to you – it’s STILL not about you. What they say or do says so much about them – and it has NOTHING to do with you. I promise.

Try this. It feels so much better.

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