We’re kind of big Harry Potter nerds at our house. And while no, I don’t have a spell to offer to you today, I do have something extraordinary and MAGICAL. Here it is: The key to solving ANY PROBLEM. You heard that right, ANY PROBLEM. Who doesn’t have problems? – like on a daily basis? If you don’t – talk to me – I wanna hear your secret sauce. For the rest of the 99.99999999% of us there’s a way to SOLVE and work through ANYTHING and I’ll share that with you today.
In our lives we have CIRCUMSTANCES. This is defined as ANYTHING OUT OF OUR CONTROL – i.e. An illness, the opinion’s of others, their actions, the weather, etc. – Circumstances ARE NEUTRAL. They’re not good or bad – positive or negative. They become those things in your thoughts depending on how you interpret them.
These CIRCUMSTANCES can trigger THOUGHTS in our minds. These thoughts are whatever meaning you give those circumstances. How you interpret your surroundings, the actions of others, words that were said – it’s all your thoughts and your opinions.
These THOUGHTS CAUSE FEELINGS. All your feelings stem from your line of thinking. This is a tough one for people to grasp sometimes. They want to argue that their feelings are the result of the circumstances they’re placed in (i.e. my car got broken into – therefore I MUST feel bad) but it’s not the case. It’s your THOUGHTS that create how you feel (the car example: Two people can have their cars broken into on the same day and have two different reactions. One might feel horrible and devastated while the other might be totally fine because they know their insurance will cover it or maybe it was a total beater and it gives them an excuse to buy a new one- whatever the case – it’s all a result of your thinking.)
Okay, how you FEEL is going to generate your ACTIONS. This is what you decide/choose to do based on your thoughts and feelings. Again, the car example: If I think THIS STINKS! and I feel outraged and angry then I’m going to choose actions that fit those thoughts: Call the police, rant and rage, continue being angry throughout the day, etc.
Then lastly, your ACTIONS CAUSE YOUR RESULTS. What ends up happening because of your actions. In the scenario above the result is probably going to be that this person will stay angry throughout the day, maybe they’re yelling at a lot of others, now they’re unhappy. Then we chalk it off to just a bad day.
So to recap: In our life we have CIRCUMSTANCES that trigger our THOUGHTS that cause how we FEEL that cause how we ACT (ACTIONS) that cause our RESULT.
This is GOLD my friends! GOLD! This is so powerful because it puts YOU in direct CONTROL of your life. YOU get to decide how you feel, what you’re going to do, how you choose to react, and best of all…what RESULTS you get in your life.
We cannot control our circumstances but we CAN CONTROL our reaction to them. Dieter F. Uchtdorf once said: “Happiness doesn’t come from external circumstances. It comes from the inside – regardless of what is happening around us.” (It comes from your thinking!)
Wait, what??? How I FEEL doesn’t come from circumstances but from the INSIDE (aka your THOUGHTS)?
Anne Frank is a hero of mine. A victim of the holocaust. When she was just 15 she was sent to Auschwitz and later she and her sister ended up dying of typhus. Tragic life and so short. But her legacy lives on because of how she spent her few years on earth. When she was around 12 years old she was given a diary as a birthday present that she recorded in regularly – the famous diary of Anne Frank. In it she wrote the most profound and beautiful truths that are so amazing to us because of the dyer circumstances she was placed in. Yet here are some of her words:
“Think of all the beauty still left around you and be happy.”
― Anne Frank (think – thoughts)
“I’ve found that there is always some beauty left — in nature, sunshine, freedom, in yourself; these can all help you.” (I’ve found – thoughts)
― Anne Frank, The Diary of a Young Girl
“Parents can only give good advice or put them on the right paths, but the final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands.” (lies in their own hands aka lies in their own choices – their thinking)
― Anne Frank
Then my favorite:
“In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.”
― Anne Frank (believe – thoughts)
She saw horrific things! She lived in a time of great suffering and yet she created a beautiful haven inside her where she clung to her beliefs that people are inherently good and the world was still a beautiful place.
What a remarkable example that despite the negative circumstances you still have the power to choose your inner climate.
You have the power to define your life. It’s not in “the cards you were dealt”. It has nothing to do with your circumstances. The MAGIC is in your THOUGHTS. How you CHOOSE to interpret your world. This is amazing and really is one of the best gifts our Father in Heaven has given us – our agency to choose our thoughts at all times – thus resulting in our feelings, how we’re going to act, and then what results we see in our lives.
President Monson said this: “The gate of history turns on small hinges, and so do people’s lives. The choices we make determine our destiny”
Your thoughts are going to determine what your result will be.
I want to give you an example of two thought patterns. This just happened this past week to an acquaintance of mine. Let’s call her Sally. Here’s what she had to say:
My SIL is just mean and hateful! This is unfair that she acts this way towards me. What did I ever do to her??? She’s always judging me. I don’t understand why she hates me so much! She even went as far as unfriending me on Facebook. I don’t like her – she’s not a nice person. I’m not going to go over to their house anymore – I don’t even know if I want to go to the family dinner on Christmas!
Okay, let’s work some of that MAGIC:
C- (circumstance) – SIL said words to her, unfriended her on Facebook.
(that’s it…those are the circumstances)
T-(thoughts) – She is mean, hateful. It’s unfair. What did I do to her? She’s not nice. I don’t understand why she hates me so much. I don’t like her either!
F- (feelings) – angry, hurt, offended, confused, judged
A- (actions) – Not going to visit anymore, maybe missing Christmas with family, – acts in kind – where Sally is now judging SIL
R- (results) – unhappy and cut off family ties
See how her thoughts created these feelings and the result she is getting? Let’s run that model again by giving her new thoughts to try on:
C– SIL said words to her, unfriended her on Facebook
T– I wonder why she’s acting this way? Did something happen to her earlier? Is that why she’s acting upset? Maybe something bad happened and that’s why she’s angry. I should ask her about it. Did she not like something I did? Is that why she unfriended me on Facebook? Was it even deliberate?
F- curious, motivated to ask her, open to answers, compassionate
A – Call her and talk, ask her if she’s angry with her, keep communication open
R – Open relationship with sister, able to go beyond the surface of a superficial relationship to a deeper connection. Sally feels better and more loving.
Do you see how the SAME CIRCUMSTANCE can have a huge difference??? Even if SIL is angry and doesn’t want to talk – Sally can still feel curious, compassionate (because how sad is it that SIL lives with that much negativity all the time? I feel bad for her), and loving!
You are the ONLY one who gets to experience your feelings – just you. You can be mad at someone but they don’t feel it. They can choose to interpret it negatively and mirror that emotion back at you – but YOU did not CAUSE it- they CHOSE it.
Also, it’s important to note that in model one Sally creates a situation where she’s stuck. There’s no growth from this model. She’s going to STOP communication/visits. In model two: she’s open to talking, to doing something – there’s movement and progress.
I’ll talk more about this in later posts to come because it really is the KEY TO SOLVING ALL YOUR PROBLEMS. Knowing that the way you choose to think and interpret your circumstances is the key. It can be an amazing experience or it can be terrible. YOU CHOOSE!!!
This CHANGED MY LIFE and I know it can change yours too.
Try it this week – try it today! Pick ONE circumstance – remember no judgment on it in the C line (you can’t say I have a LONG to do list – long can’t be proven in a court of law – it’s a thought. Instead it can say, I have things to do today). Then go line by line seeing what’s going on inside that magnificent head of yours. (Check in the FREEBIE box to download a CTFAR model).
Awareness is the key to unlocking your potential. Being aware that you are the cause of your feelings, actions, and RESULTS is amazing! That means that if you’re the cause you can also be the one to change it. What a gift!!!
I would LOVE to hear about your experiences with this. Please comment below or email me if you’d rather it not be public. If you’re having trouble with your magic model – email me to set up a FREE 30 minute mini session. I’d love to work with you. This really is incredible work and soooooooo powerful. Try it, you’ll be amazed too!
LIFE CHANGING. Now, get to work! 🙂
FREEBIE: There is a worksheet available in the FREEBIE tab at the top of the page – Enjoy! UPDATE: This is no longer available on the freebie page. It has been updated, beautifully redone, and extended. It is available for FREE on my homepage. Just enter your email and it’ll pop up as an instant download.)