Episode 99: What do you Believe you Deserve?
Far too often we tend to settle with just “okay” things, an “okay” job, an “okay” house, an “okay” thing… not because we don’t know what we really want but because we don’t actually believe we deserve it.
There’s a conflict of beliefs. On one hand, there’s what you really want but immediately following that there’s the belief that you can’t have that.
The question, What do you believe you deserve? is really a key that can offer a lot of insight into what you really believe deep down.
We can say and repeat all the affirmations all the time about wealth, friendship, love, and possibility but if deep, deep down you’re still running with the, “I don’t deserve it” track it’s not going to be possible for you and it’s not that it’s not possible, it’s that you don’t allow it to be possible for you.
Tune in this week as I share some GEMS that will leave you feeling more empowered, more confident, and more deserving of the life that you want.
Episode 99: What do You Believe You Deserve?
Oftentimes in my coaching, I’ll ask my clients what it is that they WANT. We’re so focused on what we don’t want that we don’t even know what it is that we do want. It makes quite a shift in their thoughts and direction but there’s something that comes up frequently with that question and that’s settling.
We settle not because we don’t know what we want but because we don’t believe we deserve it. This is really a key that can offer a lot of insight to what you really believe deep down. We can say and repeat all the affirmations all the time about wealth, friendship, love, and possibility but if deep, deep down you’re still running with the, “I don’t deserve it” track it’s not going to be possible for you and it’s not that it’s not possible, it’s that you don’t allow it to be possible for you.
I know that can seem confusing so let me back up. Remember the model. It’s really important to know how your thoughts are the sole reason and cause of your results. Remember, it’s your thoughts that create how you feel, how you feel will drive you into action or inaction and it’s always your actions that create your results for you.
So if you really want to earn a million dollars but deep down you don’t believe you’re good enough so you create the feeling of inadequacy – what actions will that generate? You’re not going to go and do all the things that millionaires do because deep down you don’t believe it’s possible for you.
Do you see this?
It’s the same thing with relationships. You’re not going to find “the one” – whether that’s a romantic relationship or even looking for your people and that one good friend that just gets you.
If you really don’t believe you deserve it, you worry that you’re not enough yet, that you need to fix things first, that something is wrong with you – all the things your brain tries to sell you on, these thoughts are going to feel awful and create resistance to going and doing the things that would help you create and find the one.
Psychiatrist, Sir David Hawkins said, “People simply mirror back your internal belief systems.”
You see through a lens of what you believe about yourself. Your brain sifts through the billions of incoming sensory data to curate a story that fits your current narrative. It doesn’t mean it’s true. It simply means that deep down, that’s what you believe and so that’s the track and directive your amazing brain is operating off of.
My family and I really like the Movie, The Willoughbys. It’s this Digital movie about these terrible, self-absorbed parents that leave their children with a nanny so they can go explore the world and the oldest, Tim he believes this nanny has it out for them and so while the other siblings just fall in love with her kindness and love, he’s always skeptical and reading into the things she does as sinister.
At one point in the film, he overhears a message the nanny left that said, “As for the children, I will take care of them” and he runs to his siblings to lay out this incriminating evidence and mimics her voice saying, “As for the children, I will take care of them” – again in this scary, sinister voice.
And the nanny overhears and is like, “why would you say it like that?!” And she repeats it in her voice and interpretation, “As for the children, I will take of them”
We laugh because it’s a digital children’s comedy but it’s not too far off from what your brain does every single moment or every single day.
We create what we believe we deserve. We sabotage our connections because we worry and believe that deep down we’re not worthy of being loved, that we’re not enough, that people don’t really like us.
We quit on ourselves with our physical, intellectual, or social goals because something inside of you doesn’t really believe it’s possible for you. Even though you may really, really want it, deep down you believe you can’t have it or you don’t know how that would ever work – which again, deep down means, I can’t really have that.
Instead of going to work, getting busy, taking action from confidence, believing that I’m on my way – we do these mini quits. We play on social media instead of taking action. We eat instead of working. We watch TV thinking it’s not that big of a deal but our actions aren’t in alignment with what we want.
We stay in terrible relationships (again romantic or friendship) because we don’t believe that we deserve what we really, really want and so we cling to the perceived safety of the wall because that feels better than letting go and trying to swim.
We create what we believe we deserve. We see the world through the filter of what we believe we deserve. So it’s important then to spend time with that question. What do you believe you deserve? And why?
Think about someone who has what you think you want. For example, Angela Duckworth, she’s an incredibly successful individual, psychologist, professor, and author of the book, Grit – she shares a pretty personal account of her journey and her father that didn’t believe in her ability to accomplish these big feats. He didn’t believe she was smart enough. And thank goodness she just never believed that about herself. She believed it was possible for her and so she kept taking action that was in alignment with her overall goals and she ended up being awarded the MacArthur fellowship award – also known as the Genius grant.
She created what she believed she deserved.
Now it’s easy to get sucked into the belief that you need to go and do more – and accomplish more, earn more and that’s not the purpose of this podcast – this podcast is to challenge you to see what current belief track you’re operating under and then to ask yourself what do you want and do you believe that it’s possible for you?
Dr. Robert Anthony said, “You can have anything you want if you are willing to give up the belief that you can’t have it.”
Every single person – every one of us has dreams, has a vision of what they’d like to become, to have, to create, to do, to accomplish but there’s only a tiny percentage of people that truly create that for themselves. And it’s because of their beliefs. It’s because of what they believe is possible for them. You have to shatter your belief ceiling. It’s not that you can’t have that, be that, do that, create that – it’s that you limit yourself by what you believe is possible for you.
So ask yourself, what do you really want?
Do you believe you can have that?
I was passing by a group of people and this man was talking rather loudly about how he always believed he would travel the world. And he was in his mid 70’s and he still has time but he was lamenting that his life looked different than how he thought it would be.
And some of that can be misaligned priorities but so much of it is what you believe. If you wake up each day believing you can be, do, have what you want the actions that follow are going to be in agreement with your beliefs. Most of the time we veer off course because we settle with what’s comfortable now instead of working towards what we want because how do we know that we’ll even get there?
How do we know that you won’t work and work and work and “waste” all this time and never have it amount to what you want? And it’s the answer to these questions that really shine a light on what you believe you deserve. Because listen, if you could catch a glimpse of your future and you see that you already have that – what you want – you’re going to work really hard because you know it’s a given, you’ve seen it, you’ve been there, you know it’s happening so you go and do things that create that for you.
But it’s the not knowing, not believing that creates limitations and barriers for you. It’s all the, “I just don’t know’s…” that creates the struggle. You have to choose to believe in yourself when all the evidence is stacked against you. You have to see that future you even when no one else can yet. We have to get out of scarcity mode and mindset so that we can reside in growth mode and create the future we want.
What do you believe you deserve in life?
What do you do when difficulties arise?
What do you say to yourself when things don’t go as well as you’d hoped?
What do you believe about yourself?
Do you believe you can have what you really want?
We have inherited many limiting, negative beliefs from our childhood, from the influences constantly around us, and from our current environment and so it’s important to see them, to become aware of the specific thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back.
I can just imagine little Angela that heard her father say things like, you’re not smart enough, you can’t have that, it’s only for smart people – I don’t know if he actually said any of that but the moment a challenge came up what thoughts went through her head? You know these limiting beliefs were for sure there – We think that to move forward those beliefs aren’t in existence in your head but that’s not the truth, they are there -they’ll always try and pop up but it’s the thoughts and beliefs you choose to focus on intentionally that create the feeling – the juice that drives you forward into action and into creation and fulfillment of what you really want and believe you deserve.
You have to know those beliefs are going to tempt you and choose on purpose to believe something else, something more productive for you. You can even agree with the thought and tack on the empowering belief with it – for example, you’re not smart enough for that – you can agree, you’re right, right now I don’t have all the information that I need but I’m on my way. I’m still learning.
You’re right, I can’t do that today – but maybe I can tomorrow.
You have to see what it is your brain is offering you and work with it – choose to focus and ignite the thoughts and beliefs that work with you and for you.
Doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith.
I can have that. I can become that. I can do that. I can create that.
There’s a beautiful quote by Madame Curie that reads, “Life is not easy for any of us. But what of that? We must have perseverance and above all confidence in ourselves. We must believe that we are gifted for something and that this thing must be attained.”
You think you don’t have what you want because you’re missing something. Intelligence, funds, opportunities – but that’s not it. What you’re missing is the belief that you are deserving of so much more. Not entitled – but that you are – here’s my favorite go-to belief, that you are “a child of God of infinite capacity”.
When doubts arise in my mind and of course they do – that’s part of mortality – I choose to believe this quote by Gordon B. Hinckley. I choose to believe that I am of infinite capacity. I ask myself, would someone of infinite capacity be able to do that? And the answer is always yes, so then I keep moving forward. I keep plugging along and as a result, I am more capable of doing many more things.
The only difference between those people that have or are what you think you want and you – is a thought. It’s a belief that you can and deserve that kind of life.
When you start to become aware of the unproductive, fragmented beliefs of our undeservedness we start to see the pathway clear, many stumbling blocks move out of your way and you’re free to move ahead and move forward.
There is no time frame. You don’t have to be in a hurry. You have an abundance of time to become, to create, to do, and to have. But you must start to believe that you are deserving of such a life.
James R. Ball said, “we cannot achieve more in life than what we believe in our heart of hearts we deserve to have.”
This is really the process of investing in yourself. You’re investing in the thoughts and beliefs that serve you, that work for you, that empowers you.
And the more time you spend here, sitting in this belief – the easier it becomes to say, no thank you to anything and everything that isn’t in alignment with that truth. You’ll be able to say, no thank you to friendships that aren’t helping you. You’ll be able to walk away from negativity and those that don’t see your worth – and I don’t mean to cut these people out of your life – I’m positivity Angela Duckworth kept her father in her life – but she was able to say, no thank you to the beliefs that weren’t serving her.
I read a quote once that I really liked that said, “Fulfillment comes from mastering the hard things that are free.” We often like to find barriers to moving forward because we think we need more, something outside of us, we need more education, more money, more time, a bigger place, a better environment, a better house, a better body, etc, right?
And we use that as a crutch that we can’t move forward because we don’t have that – but I know there’s more of what you do have and can move forward with what you have right now.
You can always master the thoughts you choose to think and believe. You can always master creating the feeling that will move you forward. You can always master the story that you intentionally tell yourself. Master the things that are free.
This is abundance, my friends. You have everything you need within you already. You can take the next steps forward. You can become, you can do, and you can have everything you believe you deserve.
Maybe it’s time to raise the bar for yourself and your life?
Believe you deserve it.
Believe the best about yourself.
Believe that you’re already on your way.
Believe that it’s just a matter of time and actively seek as you keep progressing.
Okay, my friends – Start mastering the things that are free – mindset, beliefs, feelings, actions.
And come talk to me, set up a free coaching session with me and I’ll help you out or come join the membership where we’re talking all about mindset this month – it’s amazing and will up-level your life!