Episode 55: The Confidence Challenge Day Four
Episode 55: The Confidence Challenge day Four: Trusting Yourself
Welcome back to the podcast everyone! So glad you’re here with me. Again, I can’t thank you enough for your support and your enthusiasm. I just am so grateful to each of you that takes the time to reach out and connect with me on social media, email, and I just want to give a huge thank you to those who have left reviews for this podcast. I can’t thank you enough because of those reviews matter. It helps other people be able to find this podcast and these powerful tools. So if you’re liking what you hear here and haven’t left a review I would so appreciate it if you could take a few moments and do that. It means a lot so.
Okay, I want to tell you and make sure you know that I’ve got a webinar happening this coming Wednesday called, Kickstart your confidence where I’ll be sharing tools and things you can do to kick it in high gear and get you started feeling confident. These tools here go hand in hand with what I’ll teach on the webinar so make sure you’re registered. Even if you’re in my membership program or a one on one client you still have to register. It’s free so make sure to register asap. AND…if you’re not in my membership yet, why not?! It’s amazing and you’ll learn a lot in that setting so come join. It’s a tiny investment for your overall happiness, confidence, and wellbeing. So Join me! It’s awesome!
Alright, let’s dive in and talk about the challenge which is also free! This group of podcasts goes right along with the free PDF’s that you can find on my website under the confidence challenge tab so you’ll want to grab those and then listen to the previous episodes before you dive into today’s but if you’re up to speed and following along then let’s do this! Today I’m talking about day four of the confidence challenge! I’m excited to bring this to you today. This is day four of the confidence challenge and where the magic happens. I say that but in all transparency, it’s really a stepping stone to how the magic happens.
It won’t work solely on its own which is why you need the first two steps of the Confidence model. Remember, Confidence is knowing and embracing all the parts of you and being able to trust in yourself and in your abilities. The last few episodes have been on learning how to get to know yourself and how to embrace all the parts of you and today I’m walking you through trust and what that means for you in relation to confidence.
Think of this as the Pinterest pin that talks about fitness and seeing your results from exercising. It says it takes 4 weeks for you to notice a change, 8 weeks for your friends to notice, and 12 weeks for the world to notice.
This doesn’t take that long however you need the first two steps in place before you can get to this step and actually see big changes and big results. This step is all about the HOW which is something that most of us want to dive into first and it just doesn’t work because you haven’t laid a strong foundation for it yet.
So when you spend time and invest in the first two steps of paying attention to yourself and getting to know you and understand where you’re coming from and why your brain is offering you the insecure, unsure, doubting thoughts and then embracing all of it – of course, I’m responding that way, no wonder why I’m thinking what I’m thinking and it’s okay and here’s the thing, it’s okay because of THIS step.
This learning how to trust yourself and have your own back. Now, confident people aren’t necessarily GOOD at everything they do or try to do but they’re certain that no matter what they’re going to be okay. This is why so many confident people achieve their goals. It’s not because they magically have something that others don’t. It’s simply because they aren’t afraid to try, to try again, to fail, to fail again, and then to succeed.
Most people don’t that far. They might muster up the courage to try once but if they fail, whoa. . .Nelly. STOP. Do NOT do that again. That was embarrassing.
That was terrible. I failed. I’m a failure. Been there? Not fun.
If this is you or was once you, it’s important that you understand what happened and WHY your brain put on the brakes. It’s NOT because you’re a failure, or that you’re not good enough. It’s certainly not because you’re lacking or you just don’t have what it takes.
The ONLY thing you were missing was the element of TRUST in yourself. You have to TRUST that YOU will give yourself what you need. That’s why day ONE and day TWO were so important. You can’t TRUST yourself to give you what you NEED if you don’t even know what that is.
This trust isn’t that you’ ll be amazing on the first go – that’s not what you NEED anyway. What you NEED is always, always, always going to be a FEELING. Feelings come from what you are THINKING. THIS – only you can do for you because feelings come from your thoughts not your actions.
The reason CONFIDENT people can achieve their goals is because they trust that
they’ ll take care of themselves no matter what. That they’ll give themselves what
Think of it this way, I want you to picture a scared puppy that’s in a corner and can’t get out and you can’t quite reach him either but you know that you can help him so what do you do? You might kneel down and speak softly to him. You might hold out your hand to show him that you’re trustworthy. You offer encouraging words, you invite him to come to you and you stay there as long as it takes because you’re certain that you can help this dog.
You’re building trust with him. You’re proving to him, showing him that it’s okay, that you’re going to make it okay.
It’s the same concept here. How are you going to make sure it’s okay for you? How are you going to prove and show yourself that you’ve got your own back?
Or even talking to a child. Have you ever encouraged a child to go on a rollercoaster ride and they’re absolutely terrified? So again you tell them it’s totally okay, they’re going love it, it’s going to be great, you’ll be right next to them the entire time. You walk them through all the details and all the while establishing trust with them so they can move forward and go for it, right?
This is what you need to offer to yourself. A lot of the time what happens is we think solely on the how of what we need to do without knowing what we really need. We think if we’re perfect then we’ll be okay because no one will judge us but perfection is scary and elusive so we limit ourselves and we hold ourselves back because we believe we’re not “ready yet”.
But what if you are? What if you didn’t need to wait for perfection or anywhere near that? What if you could trust yourself now? What if you could give yourself what you needed, that reassurance you’re going to be okay, more than okay?
That’s what this trust is. Here’s how it works, you need to figure out what you need first – this goes back to the knowing part and you can find this by asking yourself two questions:
1.) What do I think I want/need?
And this will always be a surface level answer like, “to be really good at it” like if it were speaking, “to give a good speech and have people like it and agree with it.”
Then the second question which is the revealing question is
2.) If I got that, how do I think I’d feel?
If I got that praise, validation, appreciation from my audience how do I think I’d feel?
Proud, worthy maybe?
THAT is your work. THAT is what you need.
Now that you’ve uncovered the need you’ll want to take action in offering you trust to be able to give that to yourself. If you put yourself in the child role and you know why you’re scared – it’s because you don’t know if you’ll be okay – you don’t know if you’ll feel proud or validated.
So that’s what you offer to yourself – trust that no matter what happens you’re going to give yourself exactly what you need. You’ll say the words you want from others and they’ll mean more because other’s thoughts don’t make you feel anything -rather YOUR own thoughts create how you feel.
When you can offer this to you you’ll be able to walk in and feel confident, certain that you can move forward no matter what happens. You can take risks and keep going because you know you’re going to be okay.
How often do you hold yourself back because you’re afraid of what others will think of you or that you’re not sure how you’re going to feel afterward or if you’ll look stupid or dumb? Things you want to do but you don’t have that level of trust for yourself, right?
What if you could give that to yourself? What if you could walk into anything knowing that you’re going to be okay and more than that, that you’ll give yourself exactly what you need always?
These three steps make you unstoppable.
They ensure that you can move forward now and that you don’t have to wait for a certain measuring point or qualifications. Confident people make the impossible possible and it’s not because they’re any better than you are or that they have something that you don’t. It’s because they have their own backs. It’s because they can trust themselves to meet their needs and make sure that no matter what they’re going to be okay and more so.
We have a friend that got into a prestigious university without taking the prerequisite courses, without having the top-notch grades or perfect test scores. I remember being so amazed that he did that. At the time I thought, I wouldn’t have ever considered doing that. I would never have asked because I would have feared risk or rejection and that sounds terrible and like no way, thanks.
But because of his confidence level and the way that he thought of himself – not in an arrogant manner but in a trusting, confident manner. He knew that if it didn’t work, he could try again, he’d be okay, worth a shot so he applied and got in.
How many of you are holding yourself back because you’re too afraid to try and it’s not in the trying so much but in the fear that you don’t know how you’re going to feel about yourself or what you’ll make it mean if things don’t work out exactly as you’d hoped?
It goes back to that quote, “what I fall? Oh darling, but what if you fly?”
It’s trusting yourself to fly, to have your own back, to give yourself what you need – to first, listen to what you need and then not delegating that responsibility to anyone else because of it’s sacred and important nature.
Trust is a feeling. It comes from what you’re thinking. It comes from you tell yourself. How can you learn to trust yourself? In this step it’s all about the how.
It’s looking at what you want and acknowledging where you’re currently at. It’s looking at all the fears, the doubts, the insecurities and then embracing all of it – it’s making sure your self-worth is intact and that you’re not combining what you do and how things are with who you are as a human being. And then trusting yourself to make sure you’re going to be okay.
Confidence comes from certainty. So you walk yourself through step by step telling yourself how it’s going to be okay. Think of your younger self. How are you going to take care of that younger self? How can you establish trust? What words do you tell her? What comfort do you offer her? What validation will you give her? How can you prove that you’re going to take care of her? That you’ve got her back now and always?
With this level of trust there isn’t anything you couldn’t do.
Think about that, you have a built-in cheerleader and coach. You can feel certain and secure in yourself and be able to move forward and accomplish the impossible.
You don’t have to be good at everything. You just have to be able to trust that no matter what you’re going to be okay.
Trust is such a key element in confidence but it won’t come effectively without the previous two steps – knowing and embracing. Do those first, listen to those podcasts and make sure you have the PDF file and then after you know what the needs are, then and only then can you establish trust and feel confident that you can move forward with certainty and security.
Okay, catalysts, you’re amazing. I believe in you and believe that the more you practice this, the more confident you will become!
Next week I’m coming back to show you how to go through each of these steps in a fluid manner and how this process works in real-time. I’ve got lots of examples and insights to offer you! See you next week!