Episode 39: Confidence In Your Future
As we grow up we subconsciously “collect” many beliefs about ourselves and some of these beliefs stick around and affect our future. We use these beliefs as evidence to hold ourselves back from moving forward.
We were told when we were younger that we’re unorganized, messy, not good at things, etc and we don’t realize that we continue to label ourselves as such and we don’t progress in areas we really want to.
We also use our past against us and think that because we’ve never been able to do something before then that means that we’ll never be able to in the future as well, so why even try?
In this episode, I teach you how to stop using the past to create the future and how to allow yourself to create a new path for yourself. I teach you why it’s important to always be future-focused and how that will serve you in your life. Then, don’t forget to tune in next week as we talk about creating confidence in your PRESENT.
I’m LDS Life Coach Hannah Coles and you are listening to The Confidence Catalyst Podcast Episode 39: Confidence in your future
Hey there! Welcome back to another episode of The Confidence Catalyst Podcast.
Before we dive in I just want to tell you about a few cool things coming up that you’ll want to join. First and foremost, is the amazing – like really amazing monthly membership. You get live coaching calls weekly, access to get your questions asked anonymously on the website, there are monthly classes and bonus courses and little pick me ups and super fun, for each podcast episode I put here, in the membership you also get a PDF workbook to go along with it so you can take everything you learn here and apply it. Knowledge is great but it doesn’t do a whole lot in your life without the application part. So that’s a huge resource. So come join us and get coached.
I truly believe that everyone needs a coach. A coach helps you sort out the mess and drama in your mind so you can move forward feeling better, empowered, and able to create what you want to create. So many of us suffer needlessly because we feel stuck, overwhelmed, and just in a spin of self-doubt and self-loathing and all of that is completely unnecessary. Every single person on the planet has daily struggles because we have lots of thoughts day in and day out. All these little things accumulate and turn into big things if they’re not taken care of – if you’re not taken care of. So here’s the opportunity to get coaching and be able to move forward. Come join me. I love all my clients so much and love connecting with them, so come join – come connect with me and just learn how amazing it feels to up-level every area of your life. It’s incredible.
Okay, the next thing I want to tell you about is that I’m giving away free Amazon money, what??? Who doesn’t love Amazon, right? Each month I’ll be using a random number generator to help select one lucky winner who leaves a review on iTunes for this podcast. Fun right? All you have to do is leave a review and here’s email me the title of your review so that I know who left the review and who to contact to get you your money! So head over to iTunes to leave that review and get some extra moolah.
Lastly, I want to invite you all to join the private Facebook group. It’s specifically for listeners of this podcast who love the messages, the tools, and are trying to up-level their lives. I remember when I first started learning about life coaching, my world was just taking on a whole new light and I was being changed, my thoughts were being changed and I was just so on fire and wanting to talk and share my journey and the things I was learning because it was all so incredible and what I found was a lot of people totally not interested. In fact, a lot of them probably thought I was crazy and I yearned for a place to connect and talk to others that value learning how to become your best self, that speak the same lingo, that are trying to apply these tools.
In my pursuit of that I met several amazing people and my absolute bestie, Natalie, I love and adore you! So I really wanted to create a space where you guys can mix and mingle and speak freely about what you’re learning and doing. So come join the Facebook group and I love freebies and gifts so to the top two people who contribute and comment and are just wanting to interact, I’ve designed these amazing T-shirts that the top two contributors will get each month – fun, right? I don’t choose the top two, Facebook has analytics that shares that data with me so I go right off of that. So the group is called, The Confidence Catalyst Club – just like the podcast, but we changed podcast to club for that setting.
Okay, three big things and one more be on the lookout for a webinar happening at the end of this month all on confidence and how to create more of that in your life. I have several webinars scheduled this year because I have good stuff to bring you all so make sure you sign up for that, even if you’re in my membership, this is different so you’ll need to sign up too.
Alright, lots of fun things happening for 2020 already and now let’s dive into our topic today. We’re talking all about the future! Last week was about the past and learning how to change your past, not just pretending like things didn’t ever happen or that words weren’t said this is rewiring your brain so that you actually create a new reality, a different past, a past that serves you and helps you move forward.
Next week we’re talking about being confident in the present but today, it’s all about the future and there’s a reason I’m going in this order. Past, Future, present. I know it’s probably bothering some of you because it’s not past, present, future but you’ll understand why in a minute. The method to my madness.
When I was first introduced to life coaching one thing that just really struck a chord with me was the emphasis on looking forward and being future-focused. The past is absolutely talked about as many of us use our past to predict the future or as we think about the past and the reasons why we are a certain way or feel a certain way. We talk about the past and work on the pain and struggle that it brings up. I think it’s really important to talk about your past but the biggest difference between therapy, counseling, or other mental health professions and life coaching is that life coaching is always future-focused.
We talk about your past but from a present and future perspective because the past doesn’t exist anymore. It’s gone. The only way it can still affect you is by what you’re choosing to think about it right now. It’s important to know this because a lot of us use the past to predict and direct our future as if it’s a given. As if because I was divorced ten years ago I’ll always be “the divorced woman” like it’s now branded on you. Or as if because I failed a math class once a decade ago that I’ll always be bad at math. Or as if I tried dating and didn’t find the one that I’ll never be able to find him, that I’m not desirable. Or as if I lived in an area where people didn’t want to get together and hang out or plan things as friends that clearly this means that all people now don’t want to hang out with me, something is wrong with me.
No matter what your story is, I’m telling you it’s optional.
Think about this, just because it happened once doesn’t mean it’s a given for what will happen in the future. We often use the past to dictate and direct our future. We label ourselves and we stop taking action and moving forward because we’re past focused and not future-focused.
It’s like the dating example. Several of my clients are in the dating sphere which can do a whirlwind with thought drama and bring up all kinds of doubts, worries, and insecurities. Sometimes it’s easy to use the past as evidence for how the future will go and they use it against themselves to hold themselves back from trying again. I like to think of it this way.
They’ll come and tell me that they’ve tried dating. They’ve exhausted all the guys and the one isn’t out there. So they use the past to discourage themselves from wanting to try again. I tell them this, it’s as if you’re a country singer and your only auditioning for opera score and then you’re thinking, “well this didn’t work. I guess this is my lot now.
I’m not a good singer. I’ll never be accepted. That singing career is out for me.
Right? It’s not that you’re not good or that it’s not working. It’s that you’re in the wrong place looking for what you want in a place where they can’t give that to you.
The same is true with dating or any other area of your life.
He’s not out there, I’ve dated all these guys and notta one”. And clearly it’s not that there isn’t the one out there. It’s more like, these are not my people. I thought they were, but I guess not. It has nothing to do with me. I’m perfect at being me. I just need to look elsewhere and try a different tactic.
Now, this is exciting because this is one of my all-time favorite, favorite things to teach and use. Seriously, you’re going to love this. You have to operate from a future version of yourself. When you’re feeling stuck, when you’re feeling like you can’t move forward because it’s never worked before so therefore it’ll never work then I want you to apply this incredible tool I’m going to teach you. Ready for it?
I want you to call upon and access your future self. I want you to think about the you that’s already made it through, the you that’s happily married, the you that’s now a mathematician, the you that’s at your ideal weight, the you that’s rocking your goals and living the life you used to dream of, the you that’s triumphed over your past struggles. This is who you want to talk to.
We often look to others for direction and for them to tell us what to do. We want someone else to figure things out for us, just tell me the step by steps thank you. But they don’t know what’s right or what’s best for you. They can give you advice. They can tell you what they would do but that’s what’s best for them not necessarily what’s best for you. The person you need to talk to, the one who knows what’s best for you is the you that’s already worked through it, that has already paved the path and made it through.
You need to ask her questions. Set up a weekly meeting with her. Make it a top priority and never cancel. If you had a standing appointment with Oprah, you wouldn’t cancel and be like, “Yeah, sorry Oprah, I’m kind of tired and I need to do laundry but really I don’t want to do that either so I’m probably just going to sit here for a sec or three hours and pull up my Instagram or Pinterest. Maybe next time!”
No way, you’d be ready, you’d have scoured your house, put on your best outfit, checked the mirror a zillion times and be waiting on the couch an hour early for her arrival. And you’d do all this because it’s important to you because you value her presence, her words, her opinions.
What would change for you if you took the same or a similar approach to this weekly meeting with yourself? What would happen if you valued what you have to offer? If you valued what you have to say? What wisdom is in there but you’re shushing it because you’re too busy telling it about the past?
Your future self has a lot to say, I promise you that. You just need to spend some time asking her. I believe that when we ask ourselves questions it opens us up to receive personal revelation in a way that worrying about things or shooting them down because of the past never will.
Ask her how she did it, how she made it through, what she did, how she spent her time, who she talked to, where she went. Take notes, write it all down and pay close attention to how you feel after these meetings.
Your thoughts create your feelings which move you into action.
When you’re operating from your past and the past didn’t go as well as you’d hoped it would notice how you’re feeling. Notice what actions those feelings are creating.
When you’re struggling in a relationship and your past has always been confrontational so in your mind you expect it to always be confrontational. Notice how that feels. Notice what you do when you feel this way.
Are you defensive? Do you hold yourself back from opening up? Are you showing up inauthentic?
What does your future self have to say about this? The future self that has what you want, the amazing relationship, the loving connection. How does she feel? loving? caring?
What actions do these feelings create?
Are you forgiving when the other party is agitated? Are you more open to giving them the benefit of the doubt? Are you patient and listening to them, really listening to them and trying to empathize. Do you agree with them how this circumstance be difficult for them instead of arguing that things shouldn’t be this way?
Do you see a difference? Your future self isn’t worried that things won’t work out. She’s already made it through. She doesn’t doubt, she knows that everything is okay. She can show up confident because she knows the ending.
This is huge you guys. Our brains freak out at the prospect of change. Change is super scary to our brains because it’s unknown. It doesn’t like the unknown. It likes what’s predictable, even if that prediction is bleak. So when most of us look to the future we do so from an unknown stance. We don’t know if we’re actually going to accomplish our goals. We don’t know if the relationship will ever work out. We don’t know if we’ll ever find the one. We don’t know how it’ll work out and so it opens you up to terrible self-doubt, worry, and insecurities.
But when you come from a future self stance. It’s all known. We know how it works out, it works out, we win, it’s a happy, joyful ending. It’s all going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.
John Lennon said, “everything will be okay in the end, if it’s not okay, it’s not the end”
It’s easier to move forward into change, into the newness because even though the journey is new, the results are in the bag. You can move forward with confidence because you’re future you is with you every step of the way and the how always reveals itself. You don’t have to worry about having a detailed play by play right now in this moment. I believe if we did, it’d be incredibly overwhelming and we might not want to make the journey.
But knowing that it works out, that you made it and how amazing that feels then getting direction one step at a time, it’s doable, manageable, not overwhelming and then little by little one step at a time you start becoming that future you. You start accomplishing your goals. You start adopting new beliefs, future beliefs instead of past, outdated ones.
My daughter and I went to meet one of her favorite authors, Marissa Meyer last year. Totally amazing and we loved it. She talked about her journey into this series that she had just wrapped up and published the finale that she was on tour for. She pulled out her old notes when she was just starting out, she read about characters that didn’t make the final cut. She talked about how many times she wrote whole novels – 500-page novels only to realize they weren’t up to par and to start over, again and again, and again and again. It took about 10 years to write this series that took us just a day or two to read – because they were so good and all life stopped while we devoured them.
She admitted that had she known from the beginning the steps she’d have to take, the years of writing, starting over, editing, rewriting, rethinking, countless meetings with her editor, publisher, and publicist she didn’t know if she would have honestly wanted to begin. But her faith that these characters were real, that they had a story to tell, that we, the readers, needed her journey kept her going. Her belief that she could see the end, she could access her future self and see herself singing books to avid smiling readers. From that perspective, it’s much easier to take the next step and then the next.
How easy would it have been for her to think after the third whole written novel that this series clearly isn’t for me? I should just stop? Relying on your past to predict your future feels easy in the moment. There’s even a temporary hint of relief from the negative feelings we create for ourselves. But when you can access your future you, the you that’s made it through, it’s encouraging, motivating, and empowering. It propels you forward because you don’t need to see the whole staircase. You just need the next step.
One of my favorite hymns, “Lead kindly light” says, “Lead, kindly Light, amid th’encircling gloom; Lead thou me on! The night is dark, and I am far from home; Lead thou me on! Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see – The distant scene–one step enough for me.”
Operating from a future perspective allows you to keep moving forward. We don’t have to see the whole scene we just need to know what’s the next step.
Asking your future self questions shines light on this path. If you have a goal to lose weight and your past self was struggling with this and you’re feeling discouraged. Set up a meeting with your future self, find out how she did it, how she made it through, what she did, what she thought. Maybe she’ll tell you to clean your bedroom. That’s the next step, it’s not eat a salad or restrict yourself. It’s, “your room is cluttered and when you look at it it bothers you so you start craving sweets because you don’t want to be in that space anymore. So start by cleaning your room”
I’ve been blown away countless times by the direction I’ve been given. My future self opens me up to receiving personal, deeply individual revelation and tender mercies. We may not know all the how’s but we always know the very next one.
Your future is open. It hasn’t been decided yet. It’s never dictated by the past. Even certain things like the weather that scientist do use the past to predict the future has been wrong. How many times have you heard, “Whoa! Wasn’t expecting this change in the weather”?
Make it a plot twist. You can pivot at any given time in your life. If your past wasn’t what you wanted then pivot. The past is just that. PAST. It’s no longer. Take the information and move forward. That happened, now what?
You get to believe whatever you want to believe. Isn’t that extraordinary? Just because you were raised to believe certain things or you picked up beliefs about yourself somewhere along the road doesn’t mean you have to keep them. I’ve shared this before but one thing for me was that I genuinely believed that I just wasn’t a morning person. All through high school and into college a bit waking up early wasn’t a thing for me. I had 7 am classes that were just awful for me. I told myself a story, a belief that I wasn’t a morning person.
But deep in my mind, I wanted to be. I could see my future self before I even realized what that was, at that time it was just a distant dream, a glimpse. I could see her getting up early and living a whole day before the rest of the world woke up. So I tried on the thought, the question, “what if I am a morning person?” The next morning even though it was tough I got up. It felt amazing. I decided that from then on I wanted to always believe that I’m a morning person and I am.
I love getting up in the wee hours before the world or at least my family’s world wakes up. I get so much done and it’s inspiring and motivating for me to keep going. I talk to my future self and ask her what amazingness she was able to create that day and then I ask her how. I spend quiet uninterrupted time in prayer and feel guided and directed to what’s next.
I didn’t have a past to shed any evidence that I could be a morning person. None. But I chose to hold tight to that tiny glimpse of hope that I could be. I decided to believe that it was possible. I operated from a future perspective and made it come true.
You can do this too with anything in your life. We need to let the past be in the past. Let go of the hurtful stories you’re hanging on to. You don’t have to carry those anymore. Look forward. What do you want to believe now? What does your future self believe?
What life is she living? Find those thoughts, those beliefs and work from there. It’s always uplifting, motivating, and encouraging. Your future you is amazing. She’ll be your biggest cheerleader and fan.
The past is to be learned from. Well, that didn’t work, now what?
I love Thomas Edison’s path to finding and creating a working light bulb. He says, “
“I have not failed 10,000 times. I have not failed once. I have succeeded in proving that those 10,000 ways will not work. When I have eliminated the ways that will not work, I will find the way that will work.”
When you’re done proving all the ways things won’t work – our past – then we can move forward finding the ways it will work.
I love coaching and how it’s all future-focused. Heavenly Father wants us to progress, to move forward. He wants us to be future-focused.
Operating from the past is easy. It’s already done. It doesn’t require a lot of energy to recycle previous thoughts and patterns. Choosing to operate from your future self is a higher level of thinking because it requires that you create something new, it requires new beliefs, new thoughts, which creates new feelings, calls upon new actions, and creates new results for you. Create a habit of accessing and talking to your future self all the time. What did she think here? When she had this problem, what’d she do?
You have more access to guidance and help than you realize. Step into her shoes. She’s always there. Keep moving forward. Keep going. It’s not supposed to be easy but it is doable.
Marie Foreleo says, “Everything is figuroutable” and I truly believe it is. It is when we’re operating from our future. The future where it’s already accomplished. It’s not figuroutable from your past. The past didn’t make it yet so we want to stop drawing guidance from the past. We want to move forward so we need to look forward and ask the person who already did it, who made it through, so we can keep moving forward.
Okay, you guys. I could talk about this all day. I have way more to say about this but I’ll stop here for today. Practice this, embody your future self. Learn from the past but don’t live there. Keep moving forward.
Have a great week everyone!