Holidays and Resentment

Let’s face it, holidays are fantastic. We love them, look forward to them, and then…complain about them afterwards. Okay, we don’t complain about the holiday itself. It’s not the holiday’s fault that Jimmy was way late for the family dinner. It wasn’t the holiday’s fault that Rosie was crabby and cynical all throughout dinner, or that Mary’s kids were running wild again leaving a trail of chaos in their wake. The holiday itself is a wonderful thing. So why then are they just so hard sometimes? Dr. Brene Brown sheds light on this when she says, “Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.” Any family gathering can be hard and will be hard for you as long you hold on to your expectations. Now when I say this there are always a few of you that immediately say, “Shouldn’t I HAVE expectations? Don’t we WANT to have HIGH standards of people?” To that I’m going to ask you a question, Is there an UPSIDE to your expectations in that setting? Is there an upside to thinking Jimmy should be on time? You might say, “well, YES! I said dinner was at 6:00 and we had to wait almost an hour for him to arrive so we could eat!” Did you have to wait? No Does Jimmy have a track record of always being late? Yes Could you have said, “Jimmy, family dinner starts at 6:00. If you’re not there, we’re eating without you” ? You could have but then it might muddle the view or vision of that perfect family dinner where everyone is gathered together. -Drop your expectation in this area. In this case, it’s NOT serving you. This isn’t to say that you have to stop making requests of Jimmy. You can tell him why it bothers you and … Continue reading Holidays and Resentment